i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
