I want to walk on stilts...naked
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Your dad touched me again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize