batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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