that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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