I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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