I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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