I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
