fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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