I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
