I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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