Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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