its not stalking. its research.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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