first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
