In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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