hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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