dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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