I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My ass is underappreciated
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
