how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
