I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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