we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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