My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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