I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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