If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
