Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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