i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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