i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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