i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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