i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
