Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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