Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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