Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
