i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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