I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
