it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
