): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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