I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
