You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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