Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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