it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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