fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
