Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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