Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
