im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
