the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
