im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize