If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
