she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
