You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
