Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
