I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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