OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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