I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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