I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
