Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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