my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
