ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
