hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
