I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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