omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
