The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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