I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
