The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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