I just threw up on my dentist
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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