I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
