He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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