ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
