Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
