Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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