So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
